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2010.07.07
世间无我,不值一哭;世间有我,不值一笑。
BGM:
Matthew Ryan - The Complete Family



为了加友情链接,去看了疏影的新博客。当年同在一个论坛的少女,如今已经成为枫叶国建筑师。而我仍然一无是处,从一所渣大学毕业,艰难困苦地拿到学位证和毕业证,前途未卜。

在我这个年纪,XJ顺利地考上研究生,正在“东方最美的校园”读硕士。Fern的一位朋友考中国家公务员(我真想在这句后头加一句,是“国家级”的公务员,国考啊),工作安稳生活无忧。

无法成为精英,又不甘于平庸的我。

钢铁城池(LOMO+圆角-500像素)

Photo by Valerie April 2010 [钢铁城池]


早晨醒来,我妈已经做好炸酱面。面条用冷水凉好,炸酱和西红柿炒蛋的卤汁摆在桌子上。水壶里是爸爸给我泡好的铁观音茶。

这样衣来伸手饭来张口的日子实在让我受之有愧。

虽是在报社见习,但说不上喜欢这工作,亦时常怠工。每天交篇小稿也不管发不发表,只是以此证明“我还活着”而已。没有老记者指导,和见习的同事也不熟。似乎始终无法融入团队。

昨晚我妈说想请总编吃饭,说不定请他吃个饭我就能转正了。我不同意。照我这三个月只发了5篇稿的发稿率,留我在报社才真正天理难容。若签下我而让别人走路,“找关系走后门”这种事情恐怕就是不言自明的了。

……并不是说对“找关系”这种事情不能容忍……而是自己觉得自己不配继续留在报社。

被说成幼稚而又不想改变,觉得现在的生活方式还没有妨害到自己。

世间无我,不值一哭;世间有我,不值一笑。



Matthew Ryan - The Complete Family

Lyrics:

We walked down the block through the dead trees
You were smiling
And I was smiling too
From the time we were little
You were always taller, thinner
You were a kind a lanky matt dillon
I was strong but awkward
And born with an armor of imagination
I loved music
And so did you
But you loved those loud guitars
And venom
That venom with a lost angry sadness
While I lived in the sadness
I remember roy orbison on an am radio
All falsetto and loneliness
That day was so sharp it cut through glass and warmed the carpet underneath me
You were out with your friends
Your best friend’s name was ray
He’s in jail now
A few weeks ago you were sentenced as well
I sat in my room still surrounded by a sad song thinking
30 years
It’s been 30 years
And you’re gonna be in there for 30 years
Now i remember that day you had just gotten out of rehab
And i was happy to see you
Happy to hope
That from that point forward
All would be better
And i was proud of you
And we were going home
The complete family
A complete family
Just you and me
Mom and dad
A complete family
Secret

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